writing all of that down didn't make me feel better.
i woke up with a start, cold from the air conditioner, from dreams about searching for trash. i grasped at straws in the dream, trying to make friends.
i'm depressed and i miss my parents. it was probably stupid to move out. i'm sick of explaining to people what i'm doing, but at the same time, i can't function without them right now. i'm always good at being alone, but today i'm kind of glad i have to go to work and deal with something on a different plane.
i swear if i see my dad today i'll probably cry. i just miss something that i know is the future: no childhood home, no parents waiting in their rooms to hear about your day and ask what you've been doing.
yeah, this is growing up, and i guess i'm a late bloomer because it's taken me 21 years. i haven't even moved away. shit, i'm 30 minutes away from my house and i can't even think straight. i'm having anxiety problems and my therapist abandoned me for no given reason.
i don't know why i had to wake up and start crying like this. i should just read a book or watch a movie and distract myself to feeling a normal level of frustration instead of this semi-prophetic terror that is overcoming me.