why is this so hard?
i noticed the physical changes in my body around him. my heartbeat races, i fidget, i stand unnaturally, and i can't stop checking to see if he's looking my way.
i hate this.
i want to be over it.
it's not going to stop for a while.
last night i freaked out so bad at the bar, i had to run out and even whiskey didn't settle me. it just made me feel pathetic. escorted my drunk friend home while spilling my guts about the utter lack of hope i feel.
yeah, i've lost 7 pounds. i just can't find the energy to eat. i wanted to cry last night but couldn't find the energy for that, either.
there is a storm coming. i want to curl up with tarot cards, movies that suck me in but don't make me interrogate my own life too badly and some tea with a side of lemon pie.
i don't have the lemons for that pie, though.