07.15.08 : 4:53 am i'm currently lovesick for a fictional vampire character. a book hasn't made me cry over longing in a long time. ---- i want to devour him after describing everything i long for, looking in his eyes and not even gauging the response. just getting it off my chest. sometimes i feel so weighted i forget to breathe. can't breathe. i remind myself to force air in while i'm driving lest i put anyone else in danger. but as much as i crave this, it's not right. a pessimistic voice in my head says, "he's too old. you want different things. you haven't even begun your adult life yet and his is seemingly at a standstill. he lives with his ex, who has a crush on you, and he hasn't even invited you into his bedroom yet. tell me where exactly it goes from here. humour me." so the only moves i make are deliberately slow hugs, sometimes pressing my cautious lips to his tattooed neck, leaving red lipstick stains. i turn away fast and don't look back as i walk. << >>