WATER!
I feel like I haven't had water in DAYS. What's WRONG with me.
My neck is tense and I feel myself walking differently because I do nothing but stand all day and then go home and stay on this computer reloading the same pages the whole night. TV bores me and I've got some Deadwood to watch but am too into instant gratification of maybe a facebook message or a random email to stay off this box. I feel pathetic with longing.
I'm into a pastry chef I work with. The other guy I kissed is such a loser I don't even want to go into it. But I've totally been through loads of unnecessary drama the past month. The memory of February can just spontaneously combust for all I care, the only good parts of it were the last few days of it. Christ in a basket, I tell you.
When I get sloppy with the water drinking and some falls down my cleavage I've gotta say it's not pleasant.
And the realization that I've wasted so much love and consideration on people who let me down not only once but multiple times over the years and now I suddenly feel so angry at them for doing it again is stupid. I'm not going to question why or how it could have been avoided, because, you know, it's all done with and blah blah never going back don't want it. But it just is all so draining. Everyone thinking they're right and that the other person's wrong. I guess I just don't care who's in the wrong: just am too tired of the person in general.
And this is bullshit. I can't eloquently describe my thoughts anymore. In fact I feel as though my grammar and spelling have gone out the window. Working in the real world has really rotted my brain. I hate retail. Each day after work I am shocked that no customer has yet concerned guest relations with a complaint about my poor attitude towards them and their pastry needs.
I go day to day and try not to be hypersensitive or too serious or controlling. It's hard. Like, really hard.