i might already totally hate my new job.
my throat hurts and it's hard to swallow, maybe it's just the dry air or something. it snowed a bitch today, i felt lonely as i scraped ice off my car. sometimes i just want to hike back to the forest and make snow angels in that pine tree area where no one else is ever seen but sometimes i see tracks.
i had really good sex yesterday. i can no longer figure out if i feel more alone before or afterwards.
my mom is drunk again. it's the first time in months that i've felt the urge to move out and leave her far behind. she pointed at me with a paintbrush and said, "get out of my face. i don't ever want to see you again." or shall i say, slurred.
i guess i always wanted my dad to be here to witness it so he would understood the shit i went through my whole adolescence but at the same time i don't want him to see it because it's too stressful. what's done is done, right? you can't argue with a crazy person but that's what i tried to do tonight. i guess i had some pent up aggression from work and wanted to pick a bone with someone even if i knew it wouldn't work out.
i just don't get how grocery stores can dump out food and not just let staff members eat it or take it home. i mean maybe it is a health code violation but what a fucking waste. it made me feel sick inside watching this guy pour bowls of pasta and pizza into the garbage tonight. i guess that's when i started feeling depressed. the snow doesn't help.
sore fucking throat.
i've gotta leave the house by 5:30 am i want to watch a movie but i know i don't stand a chance for staying awake. i'd also love some real food that isn't a carbohydrate or a pastry but there's nothing in the kitchen and i don't want to run into her again.