i forgot i had a place like this to write.
i think about jacob a lot. i miss him. in the back of my mind i know that who he really is probably isn't factoring into the version i miss of him. i miss chocolate teddy bear cookies and zombie films and falafel in bed. FUCK.
forgot to call the therapist back. in the middle of a disintegrating friendship. out of cigarettes for the night. it's thunder storming anyway, and i'm alone.
i don't think about the future as anxiously as i used to, which i guess is what happens when you get an everyday job just like everyone else. maybe people only worry about things when they have the time to do so. what if you could just prescribe a somewhat taxing outside-world job for everyone with decision-making impairment as a cure? i guess i'm thinking about my one friend ryan who needs to just make a decision and stick to it but can't. he doesn't really have a job either.
um, well, okay. i want to work on more valentines but it's already midnight and i have work tomorrow morning. i work in a grocery store in the bakery department. i also get to make coffee. this is my new job.
sometimes i just feel completely empty inside. and like no one will ever touch me again.
i have a crush on a girl at work. pretty badly.