feeling a sort of bleak nothing.
it's like,
i'm not depressed, and i'm not enthusiastic about anything. i'm just floating along. i'm not bored, not busy, not crying, not laughing...
my neck hurts because my pillows are just all wrong. i've been doing chiropractic therapy. for some reason my hands look better. i don't think i'm eating anything differently, either. i haven't taken the natural enzymes in a long time because the bottle is $40 and there are only 60 pills in there, which would last me less than a week with the reported 12 i am supposed to take a day.
crap.
it's summer, it's fucking hot, and i haven't been to the lake once. i went across the world to swim in the sea, i went to the public pool for the first time in my life a few days ago, but as far as ever going to your lake again... no. and that's just alright, because whatever rose colored glasses i had been wearing for the month of july fell off when we talked last friday.
when venus went into retrograde, i realized i needed to retreat as well. it may sound dramatic, but didn't i need something to kick start me back into living my own life again?
i turn my phone off a lot. people get irritated. i feel like i've spent so much time on OTHER people's time that i want to be alone right now. if someone has a great idea for doing something like going out to eat or going for a walk or seeing a movie then it's great, but i'm sick of driving to a person's house and just sitting there doing nothing. i guess i'm irritated.
i desperately want to clean but my neck hurts so bad. i feel like i don't really "wake up" physically or mentally until later in the day.
i was going to buy a bike this weekend. i don't know. i really need to do this for myself. and learn how to play the mermaid guitar i bought a month ago..