12.04.06 : 4:04 pm this is so unsettling when i really think about it sometimes i get really cat-eyed afraid of the possibility of your brother unexpectedly coming over to your place when i am there. when i get in this state of mind, every little noise from outside seems to jolt me. with regards to j: i have to keep reminding myself that the only reason i feel so scared about seeing you again, having to maybe talk to you again, is because there was no closure and i feel ugly about all of it. so hideous. i was a merely a placemark in the spring without your real lover. why did you ever do this? joanna newsom singing. i love n, we are in love and happy and so insecure with our feelings. are you annoyed with me yet? do you still like me? you talk about next summer, are we still together then? these questions are incessantly asked between the two of us. sometimes it's reassuring in an anxious way; to both be so scared of rejection and dispair. i watch your lips when you are sleeping, the flutter of your eyelids and the curve of brown eyebrows and an aqualine nose that never flares with anger. you are too kind to me. lead me to water lord i sure am thirsty << >>