11.04.06 : 3:01 pm i'm scared that i am falling in love. with j's brother. yeah. well, we have been best friends for about 5 months now. he dated S. they broke up in august. she told me that we would probably date at some point and that it was ok. i denied even considering that possibility, because i never did. but as i have gotten to spend almost every day with him, getting to know him through my own eyes and not someone else's.... things are different. and as of a week ago, they have gone to completely different levels. now, i know what you're thinking. it is a really fucked up situation. j hurt me so much that i am still feeling no better than a ball of scar tissue, and the whole S thing really freaks me out. we haven't talked about it. her life has changed a lot in the past few months and we have grown apart, naturally, which happens a few times a year in our friendship. it will seem weird when we encounter eachother again after this break that this topic of conversation will come up and it is going to be awkward. i quit smoking due to illness but that conversation will probably require a cigarette. i found out i'm allergic to gluten, soy, barley/spelt/rice/rye, dairy, and eggs. i don't eat much lately. my skin may be getting better. << >>