08.03.06 : 1:00 am i dont really feel like there is anyone i can tell deep feelings to anymore. everyone is weird. they are all off doing their own things that i don't really approve of, to be honest. sorry if i'm controlling. i just don't care anymore; why should i sit on your friend's couches and stare at the peeling paint on walls and be bored as shit and try and pass it of as fun when i really would rather be spending my time alone alone and not around people whose ideas are as stale as the bread in the break room, their language coarse with idiocy and i'm just sitting there boring my eyes into whatever looks more interesting than them. the hem of my skirt, the patterns in my skin if you look really close, the feeling of breathing. noah says that b doesn't care who she hangs out with because she feels her time is worthless anyway. it's too hard to bring someone out of that attitude. even if they really are just hurting themselves so badly in the process, even if they don't know it right now but it'll hit them later. and that feeling will make them do it again, and again, until they've spent their whole life with people who never even deserved it. so i don't know what to do. i feel lost when i think about my friends who could do so much more; not even in a scholarly or financial sense. i aim low. i just want them to get a better head on their shoulders and stop settling for a life not even really worth living. but you know, they could turn around and say the same exact thing about me. how i work so much, how i don't really "do" anything. everything's relative, you know? << >>